adventures in airplanes

“in the event of an emergency two oxygen masks will drop down.  make sure that you put your mask on before your baby’s because you have a really small window before you pass out, and you can’t really help your baby if you are laying on the ground unconcious.”  I stared at the flight attendant to see if she was serious and mentally thanked her for the wonderful visual.  she kept smiling and nodding at me.  “she’s a doll by the way, super cute.  thanks for flying with us.”  really? 

flying with babies in general is not for the weak or faint of heart.  it’s just not fun.  at all.  babies are high stress on ground, shoot them up in the air a couple hundred thousand feet, contain them in a small metal tube and it just plain sucks.  first off i always have a freezing fear, like it’s okay if i subject myself to near death-but to put my children at risk scares the daylights out of me.  i would much rather stay on ground where oxygen masks don’t drop from the ceiling and people don’t potentially pass out.   

 because there are only so many oxygen masks per row there can only be one baby per row.  meaning that matt and i could not sit together.  that made trading babies, distributing snacks and toys nearly impossible.  the first leg of the journey (from oakland to salt lake city) was seemless.  stella slept while i watched a rented movie on my ipod, matt and lincoln were two rows in front of us and sat and read books and looked out the window the whole time.  i breathed easy, so far so good.  maybe adventures in airplanes wouldn’t be that bad after all. 

then we hit utah.  problems started the minute we hit the ground.  we has about a 30 min layover and the plane parked on the tarmac and we had to walk miles to get to the terminal.  once there we realized that we barely had time to change both babies’ diapers before our next plane left.  we could forget about eating even though we were both starving since we left the house before breakfast.  i had packed plenty of snacks for lincoln but of course he was having a  ‘i won’t eat anything you brought day’.  the four of us boarded the next plane hot, tired, stressed and hungry.  as soon as we sat down lincoln started whining and the whine quickly escalated into a yell and the yell into a scream.  i told matt to switch me babies so that i could attempt to calm lincoln, i spend a good portion of my days calming him down so i figured i might have a better chance.  right.  there would be no calming him.  he continued to yell scream at the top of his lungs, began thrashing about, kicking and spitting.  he arched his back so that he was impossible to hang onto and i lost my grip many times.  he hurled my ipod halfway across the plane, kicked at the lady next to us, and rolled his eyes back in his head like he was possessed.  the stewardess hadn’t even shut the door to the plane yet.  the other passengers were looking very nervous and i felt like i was going to cry myself.  it was getting really hot.  i gripped onto lincoln as tight as i could, which was hard since he was twisting, turning and thrashing, and rocked back and forth and back and forth.  finally, he started to calm down.  and that’s when i heard stella start to scream.

we finally hit omaha and we bolted off the plane.  i can’t really place any fault or blame on the babies, being in a small, confined, hot metal tube isn’t fun.  skipping meals and naptimes isn’t fun.  i don’t blame them at all.  one of the best aspects about babies is that they have the luxury of expressing themselves 100% honestly.  lincoln simply was doing everything all of us on the plane wanted to do.  we were all hot, tired, hungry and stressed.  we have just learned over the years to contain all of our emotions.  to not express them.  to sit there, pretend to read SKY magazine and ignore the person next to us even though we’d rather kick them in the face.