i and love and you.

i’m not going to lie, this whole mom thing isn’t always a bucket of roses.  it’s really aggravating a majority of the time.  and maybe that sounds bad but anyone that disagrees is lying.  or just doesn’t remember correctly.  i rarely get sleep (two straight hours is amazing, four is like a vacation), i get screamed at A LOT, i get kicked, stepped on, puked on, peed on, haven’t taken a solo shower in who knows how long. 

so why do people do it? why do people continue to have children, let alone multiple children in the same family?  because no matter how hard it is, how absolutely crappy it can be, just when you think you are at your breaking point they do something to remind you  just how wonderful parenthood can be. 

it has been quite the week.  stella didn’t sleep, lincoln’s goal this week was to spit whatever food he got his hands on all over the house.  i found smashed grapes EVERYWHERE.  and crackers.  crackers, one bite out of each all over the house.  yesterday was particularly hard.  stella was crying all day.  so overtired, so cranky.  she cried all the way home.  lincoln literally dragged his feet off the stroller all the way home, jumping on and off the stroller.  he fell twice and wore a hole in his shoes.  i ended up having to half carry him home while pushing the stoller with stella screaming and on no sleep.  it was rough, maybe i am weak but i wanted to sit down and cry.  we get home and stella keeps screaming.  and screaming. and screaming.  i skip bath and we go straight to bed.  she still screams.  finally she’s asleep.  i make lincoln his favorite dinner, oatmeal with honey.  he takes a bite and spits it all over the floor.  sticky honey.  then he steps in it and rubs it deeper into the wood.   i watch him in disbelief.  today couldn’t get much worse. 

i head to bed with him.   we run the gament of bath, pjs, book.  i am feeling beat up, worn down, lost.  and so tired.  i mentally convince myself that tonight stella will sleep.  and tomorrow will be a good day, a fun day, a happy day.  i hug lincoln tight, trying to convince myself through his hug.  i whisper, “i love you, tomorrow will be a good day. ”  he smiles.  and the boy who doesn’t talk, who says only ‘ball’ and ‘bike’, hugs me back and says, “i wuv woo.” 

yep, it’s worth every moment.  even the really really hard ones.  because nothing can be as bad as that was good.  oh yeah, and last night, stella slept.


2 thoughts on “i and love and you.

  1. This is so sweet. Somehow bedtime, when they are finally calm and sleepy, or sleeping, brings that sigh and you can think sweetly of your kids again…
    BTW, do you listen to the Avett Brothers? I was wondering because of the title of this post. 🙂

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