when stella was very small.

it’s sunday night, a little after 8 and everyone is sleeping.  you know you live in a house with babies when people are snoring at 8pm. 

stella is 8 months old.  time has gone so fast.  time is a blur.  i often don’t know what day it is, what month it is, or even what season (perpetual northern california cold weather helps with that).  one day stella was tiny, slept all day.   suddenly she’s standing, pulling herself up on everything.  giggling at the cat, two fisting bagels, pulling herself out the door and onto the back deck.  splashing in the tub.  she has gotten VERY fun.  i forget how fun 8 months is. 

8 month olds are so cute.  they are happy.  there are no temper tantrums.  there is only discovery.  and joy.  joy of being alive.  they radiate love.  whenever we take stella anywhere her eyes are so wide, her head swirling to see everything in sight.  she can’t get enough of life.  and i can’t get enough of her, or her me.  she is convinced that she and i must always be within eye sight of each other.  touching is better, and cuddling the best in her opinion.

time is going too fast.  soon stella will be 18 months.  and then 8.  and then (God forbid) 18.  and someday i hope she’s 78.  but right now, right now i don’t want her to grow another day.  i want to freeze her in this happy little bubble.  i want to always hear, “babababa…phoootttttt….bababba”.  i want to see her chunky little arms reaching for a banana while licking her lips.  her eyes wide and a giggle cough when the cat wanders into the room.  how she bounces when she’s excited. which is often. 

grandma becky gave stella a book called, “when stella was very small.”  it’s about how when you are small the world is so big, the possibilities are endless.  it’s a very nice book.  but in the book stella grows up. 

as any mother i pray mainly for my children’s health and happiness.  but i also pray that stella doesn’t grow up, at least not all the way.  i want her to still keep her eyes open wide.  i want her to smile every time she sees a cat.  i want her to bounce when she’s excited.  i want the world to remain big, without limitations on imagination.  i want the possibilites to be endless.  and i want her to know that cuddling with mommy REALLY IS one of the best things ever.  she was right all along.

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