This year marks mine and Matt’s nine year wedding anniversary. I’ve read a lot of blogs about “how to stay married 50 years” or “best marriage advice ever” and I thought about writing a blog post similar. and then I realized I wouldn’t know what to write. Tips such as, “don’t go to bed mad” and “forgive and forget” are great nuggets of wisdom. But they don’t keep two people together. I don’t actually know what keeps two people together. In my best guess, two people stay together because they stay together.
Matt and I are in our infancy of marriage. Not quite ten years, we hopefully have 40 some years left of sitting on the couch, watching reruns, and sharing ice cream (which he hogs and eats WAY too fast, and then makes it worse by accusing me of hogging it and eating too fast). So I feel silly offering any marriage advice. Who can I advise? Those married 8 years and 10 months?
I will say this, we’ve been together long enough to learn certain things. We now know that sometimes it is better to go to bed mad, sometimes it’s better to just NOT SAY ANYTHING ELSE. Sleep on it. Get over it. Move on.
We’ve been married long enough to gauge between Big Things and little things. And to learn to completely ignore the little things. and to seriously NOT ignore the Big Things.
We’ve been together long enough to truly know the importance of saying sorry. and that the quicker you do it, the faster you can get back to sitting on the couch sharing ice cream.
We’ve been together long enough to realize that you don’t really forgive and forget, you forgive and get over it. and that’s better (and harder) than forgetting.
We’ve learned that we don’t always like the same TV shows, or movies. But we watch them anyway.
We’ve seen each other through the death of a parent. Through three children. We’ve seen each other’s darkest side. and we stayed. we rolled the dice, we stuck it out. but yet, we have so much to get through. So much to learn. I pray the years will be good to us. That we continue to find our way back to each other, despite the chaos and the craziness that settles in. I pray that we continue to listen to each other, to support each other. and to always see each other.
an Aunt of mine works with the elderly and asks each of them the secret to a good marriage. Their answer? “Stick around.” Seems slightly unromantic. But that’s the truth of marriage. The hard times often outweigh the easy. The anger sometimes seems louder than the laughter. But you pull back the covers, and you climb into bed. and you stick around. for another day. another fight, another apology. and more ice cream.
Matt and I met when we were 15 and 17. We couldn’t be more different. A vegan and a carnivore. He DVRs rock concerts and I prefer silence. I ‘fold’ the laundry by smashing it into drawers, he literally folds the laundry. But it works. I have no idea why. Maybe because we are like a pair of old jeans. or maybe because we truly are soul mates. or maybe we just lucked out on the dice roll.