“no mowr cryin”

lincoln informed me today that he wasn’t “cryin” and stella was “no mowr cryin” and he was right.  there is for the most part, very little crying in the house now.  stella fusses, and bosses him.  and she cries when tackled.  but that is basically it.  life has gotten easy.  well, as easy as it can get with two toddlers and two jobs. 

i remember when i was pregnant with stella everyone (and i mean EVERYONE) that i passed by (grocery clerks, starbucks workers, people in elevators, basically anyone i saw) felt the need to inform me that the next year of my life would be absolute hell.  i kind of loved that they didn’t even sugar coat it.  most would go, “ooohhh. man are you  in for it.  trust me.  it’s going to be SO HARD.”  but the ones that had been there, that had actually experienced two babies that close (within 12 months of each other) would always follow their warning with this, “but….after that year of hell-because it will be-it’s going to be so great and so much easier than had you done it any other way.  so just get through it and you will be fine.”  they usually continued with something like, “mine are 34 and 35 now and still the best of friends.”  i appreciated the honesty, i really did.  i’m a realist and i don’t usually sugar coat things.  some accuse me of complaining too much, but i figure, it’s not complaining it’s honesty.  i really was that tired.  and those women were right, it really was that hard.  but, it’s also gotten a heck of a lot easier and i really think that in the end, the under 12 month spacing really is the best. 

lincoln is two now and can understand anything, can tell me anything.  he knows that if stella is going to sleep to tip toed quietly and to not talk (or interrupt).  he knows that stella gets a bottle of milk while he gets a cup.  he knows that sometimes mommy needs to help stella, or stella needs to get fed first and he needs to wait.  he learned all these things through hours of tears (from all of us).  but he gets it now.  made me wonder today, would any two year old get it?  i thought, if so then the two year spacing must be the perfect spacing.  but then i think of my neighbor who has a two year old and a brand new baby.  and it’s not easy.  the older is jealous, and confused, and doesn’t ‘get it’ yet.  which made me think, lincoln has been through the hard part.  he’s gotten used to the baby, used to sharing, used being one of two.  maybe the first year for us was harder because lincoln and i couldn’t communicate.  but maybe the first year would be hard regardless of age.

either way, i see what those women were talking about.  now that the tears have dried and we can move on to new adventures (talking quietly, pleases and thanks you, not tackling our sisters) it really has gotten fun.  they are funny.  and they are hilarious together.  and they really really love each other.  lincoln looks out for stella.  if i ask lincoln if he wants to go somewhere his first question is always, “elle come too?”  if i ask him if he’s tired he will tell me, “elle tired too.”  it’s sweet.  our challenges are no longer, ‘make the crying stop’ but ‘lets explore the world’.  perfect time to introduce kiddo number three.  which i am oddly not worried about at all.  maybe because i feel like i have been to hell and back, i have seen the depths of the trenchs.  i know how bad it can be and i know that even at it’s worst, it’s not that scary.  it’s not that bad.  people have been through worse.  so what if i’m tired? someday these three will be 34, 35, 36.  and i will be talking to some pregnant lady in store and scaring the crap out of her.  and someday she will  look back, laugh and think, “that nutjob was right.”

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seriously?

so i found another mama blog and though it makes me laugh, it also annoys the crap out me.  one of my biggest pet peeves is when stay at home moms whine about how hard raising kids are and then in the next sentence talk about their nannies/day cares, maids,  and dvd players.  seriously, a stay at home mom that drops her kids off at a day care so she can play tennis or go to the movies? that’s NOT A ROUGH LIFE. 

and another thing i don’t get is the dvd player in the car (with earphones so mommy doesn’t even have to LISTEN to the crap she’s playing for the baby).  i have two kids.  i’ve been there.  the screaming in the car.  the fighting, the whining.  the ‘crap shouldn’t have made that last stop’ moment.  i’ve rolled the windows down so that the cars next to me can hear my pain.  what i pledge not to do (ever!) is plug them into a movie for a 15 min drive from the store and back.  or to school.  or after school.  aren’t you supposed to talk to your kids? spend time with them? wouldn’t drives to and from soccer practice and to home after school be one of those few quality times?  quiet time in the car to talk about the day? what’s on the radio? what happened at school/soccer/the store/church/etc.  why are we plugging our kids into so many things except for ourselves?

i get it, kids can be hard and kids can be annoying.  but they’re kids.  they need interaction with us.  when they are the most annoying and at the hardest state is probably when they need us the most.  they don’t need buzz and woody.  i know i am still in my infancy of motherhood (oldest being two).  but i cringe when i hear moms say “Thank goodness school is starting.”  i dread the day.  even on our worst day.  our hardest day.  i dread the day we separate for more than an hour.  maybe that thought will change.  but i know, KNOW, that when i pick them up from school the only thing i want them to see and hear is me and my voice.

life as we know it

well it’s been awhile since i’ve had a chance to write anything.  a lot has changed, matt has a new job and a new schedule, we are expecting number three (will make for 3 under 3), fall is here (though it’s hotter than hell right now-thanks bay area), and lincoln is a walking, talking parrot.  the kid will repeat anything he hears, and i mean anything so all i can say is WATCH OUT!

these two have gotten easier which brings me to the conclusion that two toddlers are easier than two babies.  lincoln has hit the two’s full force and we are attempting to work on manners. he spent a day shouting at customer, “are you kidding me?!”  pleases, thank yous, excuse mes.  i just don’t want to have one of those kids.  you know what kind i am talking about.  i want these guys to be polite and respectful. 

after the birthday extravaganza (days spent with lincoln singing, “happy birthday to my cake” at the top of his lungs and talks of balloons and new toys) we are moving onto the hoidays.  i think ‘events’ are more fun when the kids know what is going on so i do my best to educate them on what’s coming up.  we’ve been talking a lot about ‘Christmas’ and lincoln the other day asked if we could go get our “christmastime  tree”.  he then pointed outside to the oak tree in our yard and said, “oh there’s our christmastime tree”. can’t wait to actually take him tree shopping this year. 

i still need to have more patience, but with these two i suppose i do the best i can. after lincoln went bersek at a playdate last week another mom said, “man i hope i have the patience you do when i have more than one child”.  i wanted to laugh.  most days i don’t even know what patience feels like.